jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
