I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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