Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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