I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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