I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
