I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
