Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
