love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
