Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
