i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
