What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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