Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
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