chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My vagina just clenched in fear
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
