you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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