she was so not down for the gang bang
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
