Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
