Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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