Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
