Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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