Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
