I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
