Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
