handjob tips. give me some.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
