i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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