and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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