Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
