first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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