that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
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A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
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I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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