And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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