I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
