apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
