Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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