Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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