I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
God, I missed his penis.
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