Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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