i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize