She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
