I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
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I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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