carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
