oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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