You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
