I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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