Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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