You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
