I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
