I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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