Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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