I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
