I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
