How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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