we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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