I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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