worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
