I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
