Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
