I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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