so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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