Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
