a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
