Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
