Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i think we sleep fucked last night...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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