If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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