Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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