Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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