at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
