call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
