the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
