Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
