i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
