I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I wear drunk well.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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