i don't plan on having that self control this summer
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
