i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
