he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
