i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
