Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
someone owes me an orgasm
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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